when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
