you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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