Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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