Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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