Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
