But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
