i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize