Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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