don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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