I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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