this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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