Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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