I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
