Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
