does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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