Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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