you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
