C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
