Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
