we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
