she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
