I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
