First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
