apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
