what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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