just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
