We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
