ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
