brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
