my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I checked into jail on foursquare
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
