unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
