If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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