I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
