just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize