Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
