Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
