got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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