This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize