I wish I only lived at night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
