Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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