I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
