The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize