So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
