It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
