I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
