I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
