jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
