this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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