we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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