About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
