You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
