I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
